So they leave

and you drown yourself in vodka

or get high
until you can’t feel your own
heart beating inside of your chest

because you want to forget
you always want to forget

So you cry a little

or maybe a lot

and kiss boys who don’t mean

a damn thing to you

just to get the feeling of them

confused with someone else’s taste
but it still hurts
and you always do seem
to end up on your knees
hours later on the floor
of your dimly lit bathroom
with an aching heart
and burning throat

And maybe you’ll throw things

out your bedroom window

at two in the morning

or scream into your pillow
until your lungs feel like
it’ll collapse from lack of air

letting out every curse

every broken promise

they have ever given you 

because you’re angry again

you are always so angry

So you’ll laugh it off
when your friends ask if you’re okay
because you look like shit again
and you’ll smile at boys
even if you don’t mean it not once
and you pretend to be over it
when someone mentions their name
but you know deep down
you’re breaking apart
all over again.